Resistance: A Flashlight Into Your Shadowy Places
What is resistance and how do we experience it? If you look at it scientifically it's really talking about a force of energy coming into contact with another energy that is either stationary or moving in the opposite direction. To simplify it, think of it as a situation where something has stopped some kind of flow or has slowed it down to the point of causing friction. But what does that look like when it shows up in your daily life? We all experience resistance in different ways at different times. I think of the cartoon image of an enraged bull with his head pushing against a brick wall while he’s snorting and his hooves are stirring up dirt as he’s trying to get enough traction to knock the wall down. That’s a good image, but in fact there are a multitude of ways in which it shows up and in how we deal with it. Regardless, as the Contemplation card says:
Just the right amount of resistance creates the friction/stimulation that provokes momentum for change and growth.
Too much resistance can create so much drag that it brings things to a standstill.
Resistance is a force of energy and deserves to be acknowledged and dealt with in some way or it will continue to apply pressure and potentially cause damage to the existing structure. This could be the structure of a job, a relationship, a personality, or anything that has a system of operation with parameters and boundaries.
I appreciate identifying resistance in myself because it tells me that something which was part of my foundation is coming into question. In my foundation I’ve got healthy boundaries and I’ve got unhealthy boundaries. While boundaries may always LOOK like they’re in relation to someone else, if you’re in resistance, if you’ve hit a wall, it’s because there’s something in you that's been poked and has woken up. In energetic terms, something has been a tuning fork for an energy that is still existing somewhere within your body or your energy field. If explored it’s usually uncomfortable/unpleasant/unsafe/conflicted.
Most of us will never be in a rage fueled ‘ bull vs brick wall' scenario of resistance but there are many ways that you can resist something physically. Think of a situation where someone was trying to help you with something, like taking your groceries out of your hand, but you felt that it was intrusive. You physically pull back, or even playfully slap their hand away.Think about a situation where you're standing in a crowd and you can’t escape someone who’s droning on, talking AT you. There’s an inner sense of pulling back, shutting off you. Have you noticed how your mind wanders or is silently thinking things like “OH PLEASE just stop talking!!” as you stare at them with glazed eyes?
One of the clearest examples of resistance I've experienced is procrastination. I notice it when needing to make a phone call to clear up something with any company that uses electronic systems to screen and direct calls. I avoid it! I can zone out, completely losing track of time - almost dissociated, until I conveniently ‘wake up’ just as it’s too late to make the call. Or I find myself rationalizing my delays with reasons why today, or this time of day isn’t ideal and why it’s ‘better to wait’.
Resistance to Change
Resistance is extremely obvious when you hear bad news and inside your head you're hearing a loud ‘NO. This can’t be real. This isn’t true’. You might be saying it out loud. Either way, it’s denial, a refusal to let that idea into your perceived reality. Or even when you hear things in the news that you think are horrible or ridiculous and you find yourself shaking your head thinking or saying ‘I can't believe this. I cannot accept this is actually happening. It's wrong. It’s stupid, it’s wrong!’ Resistance to change almost always has a judgment about something, usually based on some fear and some need to protect ourselves. Protecting our ego self and our view of the world and what it should be, is still linked to a very primitive survival instinct, even though in these modern times it may look intellectually motivated.
Uh-oh, now we’re resisting one of our OWN thoughts or behaviours… And this is good WHY?
© Sylvia Erlichman-Gross, 2024.
In every one of those situations, there’ something that we’re trying to avoid, deny or defend. There is some aspect of discomfort we’re trying to avoid. It’s a lot easier to define and notice when it’s external, but it also happen between conflicting feelings and conflicting beliefs within our subconscious that we may or may not be aware of. You may have had experiences that tell you it’s safe to engage fully in the world, but if your parents were very frightened people and have intentionally or unintentionally communicated a belief that the world is NOT safe, then the conflict between those 2 beliefs can lead you to resisting or sabotaging opportunities that would allow you to engage more fully in life and live beyond smaller ‘comfort zones’. When you consider doing so, or begin to move in that direction or expansion, the conflict between these two beliefs can show up as confusion, dissociation, indecision, over analysis. A good indicator of this is when you try to state a positive affirmation that is in major contradiction to a core belief. Often, try as you might, you won't be able to remember the affirmation from one minute to the next. You may even have to read it in order to say it correctly. This is an obvious example of what we experience at a subtle level in many day to day circumstances.
Think about having been raised either consciously or unconsciously with the belief that authority figures are not to be challenged. You know; ‘teachers know better’, ‘the police are only out to protect you’, ‘don’t talk back to your elders’. And while that has changed somewhat from my youth, the message is still there that authority figures are - for the most part - the bosses of the world and have the power. So if you have some permutation of that belief that you absorbed as a kid (remember, kids are in a hypnotic state until about the age of 7 and pick up messages and rules without necessarily being told with words), what happens when you need to stand up to a boss because of unfair wages or a toxic work culture?
What happens when you’re in a position in which you're being taken care of by an authority figure such as a boss or a company or a government that is insisting you do something that is against your current personal values? If you have a core belief that you’re not allowed to challenge authority figures, a few things might happen.
You can find it difficult to identify that there is a problem and you’ll simply experience undefined, free floating anxiety.
You can choose to rationalize the situation so that you don’t have to confront it. It’s denial, but as disagreeable as the situation might be, it will feel safer to ‘not rock the boat’.
When you do finally realize that you absolutely need to speak up for your own well-being or in order to honor your own value system, it can create huge anxiety, confusion and inner conflict because now a current desire based on a new belief of your own power to self care has come into contact with the old contrary core belief that taking care means keeping safe by not speaking up. The problem is, that core belief was ALSO part of the self care instruction you integrated and so now, confusion can ensue. And guess what? That’s a great moment! In this moment you have access to the old core belief that has held you hostage to a value that is no longer yours. You’ve a) outgrown it and b) identified it and how it has shaped your life to date.
As it says in the card, resistance is a form of energy. Perhaps it would be better to say it is a manifestation of energy, in opposition to another energy, the observation of which will reveal conflict of the underlying coping mechanisms which now are not serving the best interest of the greater whole. Maybe, it’s defining the need to grow by defending yourself rather than avoiding. Maybe it’s realizing that you want to give yourself more credit for things that others discredited you for when you were young…maybe your ‘living in a fantasy’ leads you to be a great writer, once you set a boundary against that negative feedback you got as a kid for being distracted. However it plays out for you, it’s you claiming the right to be fully and authentically who you are and to define whatever outdated beliefs and behaviors are in conflict (resistance) to that. It’s the resistance that sets the red flag for that exploration.
For techniques on how to be gently curious about what information resistance has to offer you, you can refer back to the Exercises page for the cards, specifically Resistance as a Resource which will also guide you to The Three A’s of Self-Awareness.